Repeat past
by Mo-Lou
Summary: Christmas Eve and Roger finds out that Mimi is using agian
1. Chapter 1

ROGER POV

Mimi was braiding her hair. She looked so cute biting her lip while she was braiding her hair. I sat and played my guitar. Mark was out filming but he would be back. "All finished" I heard a little high pitched voice say. I looked over to see our five year old daughter Lena smiling. "Let me check" said Mimi and the two left to see if her room was really clean.

God I love that kid, she had blue eyes like me and long curly brown hair like her mothers. She always sang around the house and danced she was her mothers child. "Mommy says it's clean enough" said Lena "Well thank you" I said and I kissed her nose.

Mark came back and we had dinner and then he would film us hanging out. "it's almost Christmas eve, are you excited Lena?" asked Mark "yes I am Uncle Marky" she replied

Mimi was looking out the window and she smiled.

Christmas eve was when we met. When we had our fight and I told her to get out. It had been six years since then and we have Lena.

Christmas eve rolled around Collins was back in town. Every Christmas eve we would go visit Angels grave together (every Halloween Mimi goes). Mimi was getting some last minute shopping done and Mark was the lucky one who got to help us decorate.

"Uncle Marky, can you help me pick out a dress for tomorrow?" asked Lena. If only Mark had his camera rolling the look on his face was priceless.

"Why don't you let Aunt Maureen and Joanne help you" I suggested

She shrugged and went somewhere. I felt tugging on my pants I looked down at Lena "can I help you?" I asked "I need to show you something" she said. She grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom and opened the cupboard. "I was just getting soap when I found this" she said she went to touch "Lena Maureen Davis don't touch that" I yelled. When I realized that I was harsh I bent down and kissed her.

"I'm sorry babe I didn't mean to yell, could you get your Unlce Mark?"

"Yes I can" she ran away though I could tell she was still scared. Mark came

"Hey" he said and looked to what I was staring at "Is that?" he asked

just then the door closed "MOMMY!" the shrilled little voice screamed. I closed the cupboard and we went back in the room.

Collins, Maureen, and Joanne came over and later Benny came. We all went to Angels grave and came back for a little party. It was amazing to see Mimi and Lena sit on the couch and the moon light on there hair it was beautiful.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I just looked at the two of them, when everyone left we put Lena to bed that's when things got ugly.

"What's with you?" Mimi asked I pulled her to the bathroom. "Our daughter was getting soap when she found this" I opened the cupboard. Her face went pale and she looked like she was about to pass out.

"Roger, I can explain" "Please do, please tell me that this is old, tell me you haven't been…" when I saw the tears start to come I knew she couldn't, we both knew that if she did it would be a lie.

I grabbed her by the arm and we walked towards the door. "Ow. Roger" I opened the door and we walked down the stairs I didn't want to fight in the loft.

Once we were outside I let go of her. I looked at her and her teary eyes. "Mimi, how you be so stupid? Didn't you learn anything, ANYTHING" she just sobbed. "What about our daughter, did you think of that?"

"Roger" she cried "I…I" she was at a loss for words. "When did you start up again?" I made my voice sound less threatening "Lost month" she said.

I didn't know what came over me, maybe it was the painful memories, or maybe it was because I feared for Mimi's life, for Lena's life. I didn't mean to but…I slapped her.

We both stared in shock. Shit I thought, did I leave a mark? What the hell was that? "Mimi" I started but she just looked at me and ran down the street.

I went back to the loft to call Maureen to watch after Lena if she woke up. Then I headed to the one place she always goes to when she's sad.

"I thought I would find you here" I said as I approached Angels grave. "Roger, I don't know what came over me" she said. "I never meant for this to happen I swore I would never do this again especially with Lena"

I wanted to say it was alright, everything would be fine. "I didn't mean to hit you" was what I got out. "you had every right to especially because its Christmas Eve."

I did the same thing to her as I did six years ago I made her go away. I told her to get out, and come back another day. I knelt down beside her. "Mimi, I don't want a repeat of the past."

She looked up at me with her brown eyes. I wiped a tear from her cheek, and kissed her. Then I told her that when she was ready and had gotten herself together I was at home ready to talk


	3. Chapter 3

Lena POV

I got up because I had to tinkle. Mommy's right never drink water right before bed. I opened my door and I saw my daddy coming in. "Where did you go?" I asked "Where's mommy? Why is Aunt Maureen here?" I looked at both of them, and then I ran to the bathroom. When I came back daddy held me in his arms and answered my questions.

"Aunt Maureen was here because mommy and I took a walk" he said. "Where did you go?" he giggled "How can one five year old have so many questions?" I shrugged 'cause I didn't know the answer. Maybe I'll ask Uncle Marky that question tomorrow.

"Well, pipsqueak" he said "Mommy and I went to Aunt Angel's grave to talk" "About Aunt Angel" I asked. I saw Uncle Marky's video Aunt Angel was really a boy but he made a pretty girl. "No, sweetie" "Was it about what I found today?"

Daddy tickled me "What is this 20 questions?" he asked. I nodded because it seemed like the right answer. The look one his face changed. He seemed sad, and when ever I am sad daddy would kiss my nose. So I took daddy's face in my hands and kissed his nose. He smiled.

"Alright" he said as he picked me up "Enough questions my head hurts". Daddy tucked me into bed, I knew I should have gone to bed right away because Santa was coming. But I heard the door slide open and closed.

It was my mommy, I heard her crying. I crept out of bed and listened by my door.

"Roger, I never meant to hurt you or Lena" I heard her say. "I started again because Lena started kindergarten and she wasn't home and by November I need something to do".

"But why this, Mimi?" my daddy said. This was getting good, what were they talking about? I opened my door a tiny bit.

"Where is the stuff?" my daddy asked. My mommy reached in her coat pocket. It was little bags with white stuff in it "After all we've been through, losing Angel, I almost lost you" my daddy sad. He held my mommy's face in his hands.

"Almost Roger, you almost lost me, but you didn't" "But I didn't and you've been clean, and we've had Lena, but I almost lost you, and you're smile, and your brown eyes". My mommy burst into tears and my daddy hugged her. "Roger, I'm scared" "I know baby, I know but I lost April and I don't want to deal with the same pain, it was you Mimi who let me love again, so I don't want to lose you"

I don't understand what they're talking about. I closed my door and went back to bed because Santa knows if you're awake.


	4. Chapter 4

Two years have passed. I'm seven now. Mom was not looking well. Dad sleeps on the couch where he's been for the past year and a bit. When mom doesn't come home I sit crossed legged on the floor and hold his hand. It makes him fall a sleep. I've been kissing his nose a lot lately. Sometimes dad starts singing in his sleep. He's sing _your eyes, as we said our goodbyes, can't get them out of my mind_.

Uncle Marky and Uncle Collins have been trying to get his head straight. I don't really remember when we were a happy family. I remember Christmas Eve two years ago, when dad had sad eyes and mom wouldn't stop crying. I know we were happy for a little bit, but then mom started coming home later, and wearing long sleeves. Dad mumbles in his sleep as well "I used to be a junkie" and "I quit". The junkies are in my neighborhood I'm not allowed to talk to them though".

Aunt Maureen and Joanne take me out shopping or just to hang. I wish my mom would do that. Instead she goes down to her old apartment for a while and then dad goes down and carries her back up here. I wish I knew what was going on. I know it's not good and mom is really sick. I keep thinking back to what dad said two years ago "I almost lost you, you got clean" and who's April? Dad never talks about her. It's times like these that my Uncle Collins said that he wished Aunt Angel was around.

I walked out of my room. Mom was there and she was making breakfast. I sat at the counter and watched her. She looked so thin, so scared. "Are you alright?" I asked "Of course I am why would you ask that?" she replied. We sat in silence then I asked "Why don't you and dad sleep together anymore?" she sighed "we're having some problems, baby but things will get better" she mumbled something that sounded like "I'll get better"

But if that's what she mumbled then she lied. I heard mom and dad fight one night. "Mimi, this is not far" said my dad "Roger, I can't stop" she said "you're killing yourself again, I've been there Mimi, but I stopped" "I stopped to for a while, but the thrill…" "So you choose the thrill over your own family?" "Roger, do not go there" "Mimi, the thrill is what partly almost killed you" "There you go again back to the almost, Rog ALMOST"

I was less confused then I was before. Mom was a junkie I've known for a while but I act like I'm innocent. My Uncle Collins calls me 7 going on 17. That's what happens when both your parents are not that loving any more you grow up early.

Thank goodness Uncle Marky takes videos of all of us. It's nice to see the happy family we used to be. I don't know what's going to happen to us, our family, Mom. But I know that it will get better…it has to.

I sat on the curb n the rain. They forgot to get me from school again. It's Wednesday so it's mom's turn. I saw dad running down the block his hair wet because he forgot an umbella."She forgot again" I said my voice sounding shaky. "I'm sorry Lena" he said and held my hand. We walked in silence.

Four more years passed. Mom was looking better and dad was alot happier. I was alone one day so I went to the loft that mom used to live in to play. While playing I found a needle in the kitchen and white powder. This is what mom did, but why? She said it was to feel the thrill. Well I want to feel the thrill too.


	5. Chapter 5

Mimi POV

You might think I'm a horrible mother. I'm not though. I do love my child I just don't show it but I do. Roger and I are sleeping together again everything is getting back to normal. When Lena told me she wanted me to get better three years ago I started straitening up my act. I took her out to do girly stuff.

But she's been disappearing lately she's been disappearing for a while. Roger swears he's heard her get up in the middle of the night. She has been looking thinner, I tried talking to her but she say's she's alright. I hope I didn't start any thing.

Lena has been shaking and Roger and I are fearing that she might…. No she couldn't, she wouldn't. If only I knew where she was going? I think we're losing our minds. Our AZT has been getting lower. I just hope she's not doing anything stupid, especially after she's seen what's been going on with me.

To get my mind off things Maureen and Joanne to me to Santa Fe for the weekend. I hoped that the boys could keep and eye on Lena.

Lena POV

I can't stop. I want to because this is killing me the way it was killing them. I don't know how to tell them I have…,well they're starting to notice. The only one who knows is Uncle Mark. He is a white man to begin with, but when I told him I was like mom and dad he went as white as snow.

Uncle Mark was the one who found me. I made him promise not to tell anyone. I was in my room and I one night and I wanted to feel the thrill. I tried to be quiet but I hit a spot on the floor and it squeaked. I paused and then bolted to the window. My mom was out so it was only my dad and I that night.

I sat on the bath tub shaking, sweating, but I took the needle and felt the thrill. I started coughing and feeling dizzy. I was so cold I started feeling worse. I heard foot steps in the loft. Who would be in Mom's old loft? I was facing the wall so I couldn't see who it was. The foot steps stopped. "Mimi?" I heard my dad say.


	6. Chapter 6

Roger POV

She turned around and I was wrong. It was Lena, our beautiful 11 year old daughter. I caught her just as she was about to fall. I could feel her shaking, see her sweating, hear her breathing heavily. I stepped out of the way as she threw up. When she was done I picked her up. This felt like daja vu. She was sobbing she looked scared, pale, helpless. I carried her up to our loft. I sat her down on the couch.

"It's okay" I said. I wiped her hair out of her face. "Everything will be fine" I tried to make my voice sound calm. I was fighting back the tears. She kept shaking. I hugged her hoping she would stop shaking.

"Dad" she got out. I knew what she was going to say, Mark told me everything. "I have…I'm the one taking"

"I know" I said. "Uncle Mark told me". I couldn't hold it in anymore I started crying. "Lena, why?" I asked. She swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Uncle Mark told you?" I got my green sweater and put it on her. She laid in my lap. "Lena," I could tell she was tired, I got comfortable on the couch and like her I fell asleep.

I kept waking up to make sure she was breathing. The last time I did that was when she was born, but the only reason I did that was because I was a new father. I wasn't sure how to break it to Mimi. Where did Mimi go wrong? Where did I go wrong?

My thought was broken by a weak groan followed by a coughing fit. Then it went silent again. I could feel the shaky hand trying to find my hand. I grabbed it.

"Dad.." "I'm here baby". I sat up and laid her on the couch and I knelt beside her.

"I'm scared, dad, I'm sorr…" her voice got quieter

"So am I baby, so am I" I felt her forehead, she was burning up. I was panicking inside.

When Mimi came home, I sat her down. Her eyes filled with tears as I told her. I held her, and I wiped the tears from her face. She kept repeating 'this is all my fault' I wasn't going to argue that.

The next couple of months Mimi and I would sit by Lena's room to make sure she was staying home. We finally got enough courage to go back to our own room. Mimi was getting better…again. But soon Mimi was got sick again, and Lena was not looking well either.


	7. Chapter 7

Mark POV

I sat there in shock. I couldn't even form a sound. I just watched as she rambled on about having AIDS and how she got it from using her mother's needle. How she's been taking her parents AZT. Tears started to take over her eyes.

"I can't tell them" she said. Lena, little Lena who at the age of nine was still calling me Uncle Marky, here telling me she was sick. "I didn't know where else to go." I walked over to her and gave her a hug. "You can't tell mom or dad or anyone." "Lena" I got out "You have to tell your parents, they can help you." "I can't that's why I came to you" Oh great I thought. "Please" she begged. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't say anything?

"Lena, I have to at least tell your dad" "No!" she yelled "I saw what I did to him with mom." I sighed, tears coming down my face now. I looked at her skinny body, and her blue eyes that looked like Roger's. "Lena…" I started "Please, I'll check in with you everyday." Shit how do I say no to that? I wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm not thrilled with that idea but if you promise" she nodded.

She was true to her words. Always checked in with me, but I felt awful not saying anything to Roger. Especially when he said that she was sneaking of in the middle of the night, or so he thought. So when he called me last night I told him.

"Roger" I said "I…Lena she came to me last month" I confessed. "Roger, I promised her don't be mad" "What?" he asked "She's in trouble, she has been using". I was glad this was over the phone because I'm sure he would have hit me. "What?" he sounded confused.

"She found Mimi's needle and over heard you guys a few years ago" I explained. "The thrill" he said "She was the one talking your AZT because…" I got worried. There was no sound on the other end "Rog?" I asked. It was silent. Oh great I killed him. "Sorry" I heard him say "I was making sure she was asleep in her room". His voice got sad. "I'm sorry, I should have told you" "Better late then never" "I'll talk to you tomorrow". We hung up, and that's all I know.


	8. Chapter 8

Lena POV

I understand why Uncle Mark told dad. It _was_ getting out of hand but I couldn't stop. Mom is always checking on me. Going though withdrawal is hard. I, one night snuck down to the other loft. I missed it down there. The way it smelled, and looked. I was tempted to do it again. Out of no where a hand grabbed my arm. I turned around and saw my mom.

"Lena" she said "why are you here?" I couldn't think of anything. "Mom" I finally got out. I looked at her teary eyes. She had been sick for a while. "Come on" she said and we went back upstairs.

Another month had passed. Mom was in and out of hospital looking sicker every time. Dad goes down to mom's old loft with his guitar. I stay with Aunt Maureen and Joanne when dad visits mom. When he is home I kiss his nose but he never smiles like he used to. Uncle Collins says that mom is staying in the same room as Aunt Angel had stayed.

"Can I see mom tonight?" I asked. "No sweetie" dad said his voice was quiet, sad and shaky. His eyes had lost the sparkle like it did when mom was using. "Why not?" I asked "Because, because I said so" was his reply. I didn't ask anymore questions. I guess he saw my eyes go sad because he grabbed his coat and said lets go.

When we got to the hospital I saw why dad was so sad. Mom looked awful. Worse then before. Aunt Maureen was braiding her hair, Joanne was painting her nails and Uncle Collins was looking out the window. I sat on the bed.

"Hey baby" she said, I smiled. He voice was shaky and quiet like dads was. Dad went over and kissed her, she smiled but he didn't.

after a few hours Uncle Collins to me home. When I got home Uncle Mark was there. I walked up to him and hugged him. He did the right thing. I would probably be dead right now if it wasn't form him.

Uncle Mark showed me my favorite video he made. It was called "Today for You". My Uncle Collins was laughing and crying when he saw Aunt Angel.

The next week was a blur. It all happened so fast. It fist started with mom coming home. She was so skinny. Then the next day she went back into hospital. Dad had come home and found her semi conscious on the bathroom floor. Again I was staying with Aunt Maureen and Joanne. I was so proud of myself four months since my little mishap.

Dad and I went to visit mom. She was not looking well. Dad sang "Your Eyes" to her. The next night I woke up to hear my dad and Uncle Mark talking.

"How am I going to tell Lena" I heard my dad say "break it to her gently" I heard Uncle Mark tell him. "Mark" then he started to cry and I fell asleep.

When I woke up my dad was sitting on my bed. "Morning I said smiling. "Lena" he said trying to hold back tears. "Lena, last night when I went to see mom…" he stopped. "Lena" he started again "sometimes people…" "Did mom die?" I asked tears coming down my face. Dad closed his eyes and nodded.

Roger POV

"Mimi was Angels best friend" Collins said "seeing them together brought a smile to your face. But the person who she got smiling again was Roger. Seeing that guy smile again was magical, and that's what Mimi was magic."

"I remember when we first met" Mark said "She was nice and funny. It's true she got Roger to smile and finish a song." I couldn't help but laugh at that last comment. I looked over at Lena, her eyes were tearing up I picked her up and put her on my lap. Then Maureen spoke

"I remember when she told me she was pregnant, she dragged me to the cemetery so she could tell Angel. I don't think I had really seen her that happy. She was grinning form ear to ear. All she talked about was how she wanted a girl, and how she couldn't wait to tell Roger. I agree with Collins baby you were magic."

It was my turn I picked up Lena and carried her to the front with me. I looked at the picture of Mimi and I looked at everyone. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I felt wet lips kiss my nose. I smiled at Lena then I looked at everyone again. "Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe. The mind churns, the heart yearns, the tears dry, without you. Life goes on, but I'm gone, 'cause I die without you."


End file.
